Everyone's a little bit racist - sometimes.

I loved Will & Grace (& Jack and especially Karen).

I watched a rerun last night when I was supposed to be cleaning. It was one of the later episodes where Grace was going to marry Will’s hunky boyfriend (played by Taye Diggs, unfortunately with his shirt on) so that he could get a Green Card, because, as he put it, “Canada is like Michigan, but without culture.”

Jack and Karen waltz in, and Karen makes the comment to Grace, “I booked Saint Patrick’s cathedral for your wedding. Honey, I know you’re Jewish, but I couldn’t find any banks or delis that were available.”

I laughed, and then thought, “I could never get away with saying that.” Okay, yes I could, but most people could not. It’s that whole politically correct bull-doodie. Mind you, I do abide by some of the politically correct policies, but it’s mostly about having respect for other people and their feelings, and not going out of your way to be intentionally hurtful. Unintentional hurtfulness is quite all right. *grin*

Stereotypes are fun. They aren’t real. They’re perceptions, and most of the time they are wrong perceptions based on a hint of truth. It’s almost like Racisim-Lite. Doesn’t mean it’s true, it’s just how one person may feel about another person, right or wrong, it is a feeling.

I think it’s all right to have a laugh at a stereotype, it doesn’t mean I’m full of hate or angst because of someone’s religious beliefs, or ethnic background, or sex, or lack of sex, or whether someone is a breeder or not. It’s a time and place thing.

Gay people are funny.
Jewish people are frugal.
Californians are crunchy people.
Irish people like to drink.
Black guys have big feet.
German people are stern.
New Yorkers are rude.
Lesbians drive Cabrioles.
Fat people are jolly.
Minnesotans love hot dish.

All these instances or stereotypes are 100% true. For at least one person I know. But that’s not to say 100% true for 100% of the population of the group.

Lighten up people, and worry about something that actually matters. As is sung eloquently in the musical Avenue Q:

Everyone’s a little bit racist sometimes.

Doesn’t mean you go around committing hate crimes.

Ethnic jokes may seem uncouth;

But you laugh because their based on truth.

Don’t take them as personal attacks.

Everyone makes judgments… so RELAX!

Define: Dilemma

An actual photo
from an actual store
trying to sell an actual pork product
for the Festival of Lights.
(Seriously! Google it: Hannukah Ham )

Alice meets Friends meets Rent meets Sybil

I was thinking about the sitcom aspect of my life. Sometimes I create situations, other times, they just happen.

A great example of "just happening" is when I moved to New York City back in 1991. I drove my Chevrolet Chevette from Memphis, Tennessee along with my faithful cat-companion, Phaedra, in the passenger seat, she being drugged to the point that those creepy inner-eyelids remained three-quarters of the way shut when she woke from her slumber, looked at me, and meowed, "Are we there yet?"

Flashes of the opening credits to "Alice" go through my mind when I think of this road trip.

I moved in with a friend of mine who had left Memphis for New York the year before. I was to live with him and his three roommates, making five altogether.

The Setting:
1991 - Our apartment was a fourth floor walk-up, situated one block north of Tomkins Square Park on Avenue A in the East Village. This was towards the end of the period of time that the police were clearing out a tent city that had sprung up in Tomkins Square Park. Apparently, the people who lived around the park couldn't stand the unsightly views of homeless people living outside their windows. The Broadway Musical Rent takes place in and around my first apartment just a couple of years prior to when I had lived there.

The apartment had two small bedrooms, a large living room area, a small kitchenette, and an even smaller bathroom. It was one of those apartment buildings where you knew that at some point in the distant past, the entire floor was one apartment, only to be split up, dry walled, and converted into four units.

Cast of Characters:
My four roommates make great fodder for character studies.

Elaine - (23, Female) Does every New York City-based sitcom have an Elaine? Elaine was an actor, who spent most of her days auditioning, and even more of her evenings, nights, and weekends doing what practically all actors do - cater-waitering. Elaine was dramatic - OVERLY dramatic, taking every situation and trying to analyze and memorize the moment and the feelings and the words and thoughts that were spoken or not. Making macaroni & cheese became an event, and god forbid there wasn't enough milk to make the meal - for then, the event became a tragedy.

David - (26, Male) David was Elaine's boyfriend. David was very attractive, in that Nordic gymnast with glasses kind of way. He was also an actor. He spent about half of his days going to auditions, with the other half of this days working his temporary job at Lacoste. He explained to me that Lacost no longer wanted to be thought of as Izod (well, at least back in 1991) because the Izod polo shirts had taken over the brand. (I never had an Izod because we were poor. I had that stupid fox on the polo, fake JC Penney shirt. And I only had one, as it was the only one at the clothing bank.) David would bring home clothes all the time. It was cool getting this designer stuff from time to time - when it fit me. When David wasn't working at Izod - I mean Lacoste - or going on auditions, he was making sure Elaine was happy. They'd rehearse scenes in their bedroom, or fight, or have sex, or sometimes David would go along with Elaine to one of her cater-waiter gigs.

Kevin - (24, Male) Kevin used to be a ballroom dance instructor with me at Fred Astaire Dance Studios in Memphis. Once he completed his BFA at Memphis State University, he quit Fred Astaire Dance Studios and started looking for acting jobs in Memphis. One in particular that I recall, was working one of the "shows" at Libertyland, a rather tacky and rundown amusement park in Memphis. Eventually Kevin moved to New York to make it big. When I moved there, he had secured a non-paying starring role in a low-budget (read no budget) independent film. The film was shooting in Long Island, and Kevin would usually commute out to Long Island and then spend the week at the director & producer's home. The basement of the home, by the way, was the set for the film.

Renata - (26, Female) Renata was a mid-season replacement. There was another roommate that I cannot for the life of me recall her name. The old roommate was rather bland, and had even less of a personality than tofu. Renata was cool. Renata was (and still is!) a dancer. She was with the Erick Hawkins Dance Company and she was, to me, the epitome of Village Bohemian. Renata was a free spirit. She was very pretty - thinking back now, she reminds me of Minnie Driver - and full of life. She was practical, hands-on, and a realist, despite her modern dance background. She didn't like drama - save that for acting class, and eventually, she and I moved out and found an apartment together in the middle of the Village, on Bleeker and Thompson - but that's another story. Renata spent most of her time at the studio, with the remainder of the time going out with her then-boyfriend, or spending time with her sister who lived only a few blocks away. Renata and I would go out for dinner every now and then, or sit at home and talk.

Tim (me) - (26, Male) I was a 26-year old "kid" new to New York. Born and raised in a rather strict and religious lower-middle-class Midwestern home. My dad's a minister, my mom's a minister's wife. My sister and I had lost touch after I left home at 18, and my parents and I lost touch after I came out of the closet at 18 1/2. I was living my New York City dream. Initially I worked at the corporate office of a national cable company, and had to reverse commute to Stamford, Connecticut mornings and nights. Before going to bed, I would watch the goings on with my actor-and-dancer-and-cater-waiter-roommates, only to wake early to catch a cab or subway to Grand Central to switch to the MetroNorth train that took me from Grand Central to Stamford - only to reverse the situation at night. On weekends, I would head out to Christopher Street to drink and frolic and have a gay old time. A few months later, I would spend my weekends in Long Island with Kevin, serving as a production assistant, lighting assistant, and additional music composer for the film he was working on.

Phaedra - (3, Female Feline) My companion, my pride and joy, my kitty cat. Given to me by a transgendered co-worker back in Memphis (it wasn't common knowledge that she was transgendered, so I'm not going to mention her name). I loved Phaedra - she and I parted ways in 2005. She was almost 20 years old.

Situations - Possible Story Lines:

Living with Actors
Living with actors can be horrible. You are never really 100% sure about what's going on. When an argument or disagreement ensues, in the back of your mind you try to calculate how much of it is acting and how much of it is real. This only escalates the problem because while you're trying to figure out the real/acting ratio, you're not paying attention to the lines, which acerbates the problem because now you will be accused of not listening. Like when Bill O'Reilly speaks.

Living with Actors who are also Cater-Waiters
On the positive side of the scale, living with actors who are also cater-waiters can be fun! When Elaine and David would come home at night, they inevitably would have with them, a whole lotta food. Living in New York City makes young people poor – there’s no way around it. And you buy food when you can afford food. And you eat a lot of Ramen. Our refrigerator was almost always packed with food and foodstuff. 10% of the things in it were purchased, like condiments and milk, or perhaps a few eggs. The remaining 90% of stuff in our refrigerator was cater-waiter swag. We always had tons of little things – finger food, canapés, appetizers, tartletes, cru de te, you name it! We didn’t go hungry.

Living with Actors who Join Cults
Kevin and I had been friends for a couple of years. Since the day I met him, I had one helluva crush on him. But we remained friends, and his sexual identity was never really discussed, but I have to believe that he was at the very least, bisexual. As I mentioned earlier, I started joining Kevin on his trips out to Long Island to assist with the shooting of the low-budget, independent film he was starring in. Over the weekends that I was there, I developed some very strong friendships with the cast and crew - more so with the crew, and the director, executive producer, and producer have been friends ever since. The movie is listed as completed in 2001, though it was never released. I consider it as still in post-production, even though it's over 25 years later.

A little over half way through the filming, Kevin had moved out of the apartment, and started living with some "friends" of his in a communal-type setting. These were people from his church, and it was kind of spooky. I started seeing a lot less of Kevin during the week, and we would arrive separately at the set on Friday nights, spend the weekend working on the film, and I would return to the City Sunday nights because I had to work the next morning. This new church Kevin was involved in kind of scared me. I had visited their communal living space one day, just to see what it was all about (and it was the only way to see Kevin on a personal basis). Even today, I think of it as being started by a bunch of women who couldn't find dates or husbands, but they all had a bunch of really nice and attractive gay (or bi) male friends, so they banded together and started a church so that they could turn their nice and attractive gay (or bi) male friends into straight male friends, and then marry them.

One weekend when we were filming, and I was bouncing between continuity and script, Kevin started changing some of the lines. I read the lines back to him, but he wouldn't recite them as scripted. The director pulled him aside for a little chat. Then we broke for lunch. During lunch, the director, Ed, explained to one of the producers, Gary, and I, that Kevin was refusing to use any profanities because his church said it was a sin. Because I was closest to Kevin, I was asked to somehow convince him that this was not a good idea. Unfortunately, Kevin was adamant, and we began shooting again, except now his character said "darn," and "poop" a lot. Thankfully, there was hours of film and audio with the profanities intact, so they were magically looped into the final cut. Kevin eventually disappeared from my life, married someone from the church, and is no longer acting, but living in Georgia with his wife and daughters.

Second-Hand Pot Smoke doesn't affect Drug Testing
At one point, it was just Elaine and David, and Renata and Me (and Phaedra). Elaine was crazy, and David had stopped being around as much, which just made Elaine crazier. The fridge was overfilled with miniature food because Elaine had taken on more cater-waiter gigs because the acting thing was just going way too slow. So Renata and I decided that we need to get the hell out. I left it up to Renata to find an apartment - besides, she had connections with NYU and the dance studio, and knew New York much better than I did. She found this great one bedroom, fourth-floor walkup, on Thompson Street off of Bleeker. I fell in love with it. I took the bedroom, and Renata converted the living room into a second bedroom, still leaving a small dining room area that could fit a small table and two chairs.

A few months after we moved in, I left my job in Stamford because the commute was just getting to be too much, and was lucky enough to find a job working at a major Wall Street firm. One night, I was in my bedroom watching television, and came out for a soda. Renata and her gorgeous boyfriend were in her room talking and laughing, and asked me to join them to hang out, so I grabbed my soda, and sat and talked and laughed with them. They were smoking some pot, which didn't bother me. I was never really into pot, but I had no problems with other people smoking. We had a fun night at home, and then Renata and her beau left to go out for some drinks. I went to bed because I had to be at my new job the following day.

When I woke up the next morning, Renata wasn't there - and I just assumed that she had spent the night at her boyfriend's apartment. It wasn't until I was in the shower that I realized I had to do a pee test that morning. I started freaking out. I thought, "Oh my god... I was inhaling second-hand smoke from their smoking last night. Oh my god, I have pot in my system! Wait, you're just being paranoid. Oh my god, people who smoke pot get paranoid, I am SO going to fail this test!"

Long story, short... I passed the test, kept the job for 8 years, and the rest is history.

Thus concludes today's entry. See you soon!!